Marriage Preparation at St. Vladimir's

This web page is designed to help those who are preparing for marriage at St. Vladimir’s Church.  We welcome you to our parish family as a couple!  Pre-marital counseling is mandatory at St. Vladimir’s.  Please contact Fr. Gregory at least 3 months before you plan to wed (6 would be better!) to schedule counseling.  The pamphlets on this page are used in pre-marriage counseling at St. Vladimir’s.  These are NOT meant to be marriage manuals (please don’t think if you just follow these “instructions” to the letter you will be the perfect spouse), but rather they are used to help you think – in fact, to force you consider married life and the struggles that come with it.  This is not to dissuade you from marriage – on the contrary!  Still, it is best to enter into such a significant spiritual relationship with one’s eyes open, and these pamphlets are meant to help you do just that.  To read a bit about the practical and spiritual aspects of planning a wedding at St. Vladimir’s, please click here.  Although there aren’t any spiritual aspects to the choice of a social gathering following a wedding, this is understandably a concern of the vast majority of those who plan to be wed at St. Vladimir’s.  Please feel free to discuss this with Fr. Gregory as well.  Finally, some people like to have a booklet of the marriage service to hand out to their guests as a souvenir and remembrance of the event.  Fr. Gregory can help you to arrange the printing of these if you are interested.

A Recipe for Married Life - Read this first.  It is a little funny and a little serious.  Contains a prayer for the married.  You might want to save that prayer.  Fr. Anthony Conaris

The Power of the Sacrament of Marriage - Good, short, homily on the importance of Church Marriage.  St. Nicholas (Velimirovic)

The Orthodox Christian Marriage - Asks the tough questions about marriage.  This one will make you think.  It is good to be romantic (and you should always strive to maintain this in your life together), but good to be realistic too.  Fr. Alexey Young

The Sacrament of Marriage - This pamphlet is based on the marriage service.  It is important to understand the symbolism behind the service and this pamphlet reveals that symbolism.  Bishop Alexander of Buenos Aires

The Upbringing of Children - Not really about marriage per se, but since child rearing is the core of most marriages it is good to think about this too as a preparation for marriage.  If you think about children only after your married it probably won't work out too well. Bishop Alexander of Buenos Aires

Prayer to Sts. Adrian & Natalia - Usually considered significant patron saints of those who are married - good saints to ask to entreat the Lord for strengthening our marriage bonds or helping with problems.

A few questions to consider in preparation for pre-marital counseling (not an exhaustive list, but a good start to aid in conversations together and with Fr. Gregory): 

1. Do you consider marriage a life-long commitment?  Do you understand the Church’s teachings in this regard?  Do you understand the guidelines on who can and cannot be married in the Church?
2. Have you discussed children?  Do you both want them?  Do you want a small family or a large one?
3. If you have children, will anyone be an at home parent?  Which of you?  Will you share this responsibility?  Will you have a nanny?  Will you use day care?
4. Will the Church be part of your married life?  Which parish?  Will you make the Church a core or tangential part of this life?  Will you be active in your parish?  Will you be generous in your stewardship?
5. What priority will financial considerations have in your life together?  Is your outlook here realistic?  Can you agree?  Can you save money or are you inclined to spend what is in your pocket?  Can you live with debt?  Do you understand the implications of debt?
6. Do you like to travel?  Do you prefer to spend time at home?  How important is home life to you?  That is, what is your comfort threshold with your spouse spending significant time away from home and family?
7. Who will take care of your parents as they age?  Will you do so in your home?  Can you agree on a plan here?
8. Is it important for you to own a home or are you happy renting?  How important is owning a home if it is important to you?
9. What is your relationship like with your future in-laws?  Can you tolerate them?  Does your future spouse know how you feel?  How close would you like to live to your future in-laws?  Have you considered this question in relation to the time when you have children (having family close at that point in your lives is quite helpful in general)?
10. Which language will be spoken at home/with children?  Can you communicate effectively (from a practical point of view – do you share one language which you can speak well)?

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